Alone
by Jada Will
Summary: Once upon a time I was somebody. Now I am alone. I will set my soul free, and fly above the heavens.
1. Chapter 1

Alone.

Alone..all alone.

That's what I am. . .

I may have a beautiful child and a family who loves me, but in reality, I'm all alone.

Thats how I ended up here..with the tips of my toes teetering on the edge of freedom.

It's so close I can almost touch it.

The whispering of the wind tells me how good it will be, to finally be free of this hell I call my life.

I know what I am doing is selfish.

But for once in my life, I'm in charge.

I want to fly. . .and no one can stop me.


	2. Chapter 2

Alone.

Edging closer to my own paradise, I close my eyes.

I feel calm, serene . . .peaceful.

It's a wonderful feeling.

I want to hold onto it for as long as I can.

Because I know that as soon as I open my eyes again, all the pain, hurt and misery will come flooding back.

I take a breath, then another.

One step is all I need to take.

Just one tiny step and freedom will grab me with wide open arms.

I just need to let go.

But letting go is easier said than done.


	3. Chapter 3

Alone.

Faces.

Behind my closed eyes, all I can see are faces.

Young ones, old ones, new ones. . .

The faces just don't stop.

I feel eyes staring, judging.

They don't know.

I'm not a bad person, I just want to fly.

I want to be free. . .

I want nothingness.

Is that too much to ask?

No. It's not.

I've never had the chance to just be me.

And I guess. . . I never will.

The air whips around me, encouraging me to take that one last leap into the unknown.

I find myself leaning towards my own personal bliss, with a small but oh so very curious smile.

And I think this is it. . . This is _MY_ end.


	4. Chapter 4

Alone.

 _The day before. . ._

I lay here listening to the birds singing their morning songs while bright beams of sunlight explode into _our_ bedroom, telling me It's time to get up.

But I dont want to, Not just yet.

It's only this time of day where I feel so peaceful. Still stuck in between my dreams and reality.

It's heaven.

The shifting of the warm body next to me reminds me of what I already know.

Nothing ever lasts.

My dreams have ended. Gone.

Probably never to be seen again.

But the pain is always there, never letting up, not even for a tiny moment.

I'm broken, an empty shell of what I used to be.


	5. Chapter 5

Alone.

My smiles are no longer warm and bright.

And Its been too long since my cheeks ached from laughing.

My happiness has been taken from me. . .

And I have no hope of it _ever_ returning.

I hear the padding of small feet behind me and I feel my cheeks lift just a fraction.

Only _she_ brings me a small piece of joy in my otherwise dark world.

I turn to look at her while keeping one eye on the breakfast thats sizzling away, making sure it doesnt burn.

It _cannot_ burn.

She stands there with her bright blue eyes and a wild mess of blonde, curly hair, piled high on top of her head.

Shes _my_ angel, sent straight from heaven.

"Hi,Mummy"

"Hi, Baby. Eggs okay?" I point to the pan.

She nods then leans up on her tip toes for a kiss.

The thump above us makes us both look up at the ceiling.

Different emotions sweep across our faces.

Hers is a mixture of excitement and happiness.

Mine is fear and dread.

"Yay! Daddy's home!" She screams, then I watch her run out of the kitchen.

 _ **More will be posted later as a sorry for not updating yesterday.**_


	6. Chapter 6

Alone.

They say it's all in the eyes.

Every thing you want to know about someone is in their eyes.

The window to our souls and all that.

I wonder what people see in mine?

Emptyness, is my guess.

When I look into my daughters eyes, I can see so much light, love, and pure, untainted happiness and I pray to whoever may be listening, that they always stay that way.

She should never know the evils that wander on this earth, freely, and cleverly disguised as angels.

I try not to look into _his_ eyes, but sometimes I have no choice.

Just one little look, used to make my knees weak and my heart pound. . .and that still does happen.

Just not in the same way as. . . . _before_.

I can feel him staring at me now, from across the breakfast table and like the obedient wife that I am, I keep my head bent and my eyes down, until I am told otherwise.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Alone.**_

I watch the large grey clouds come rolling in, covering all traces of the sun, as I wash up the last of the breakfast bits.

My mind silently laughs at how the dark clouds resemble the devil that's taking over my life.

The evil sneaked in and covered up all of my sun.

He just took it away without any hesitation.

And I didnt even notice until it was too late.

There's a storm brewing, both inside _and_ outside of this house.

And I'm not ready, I'll never be ready.

I feel him before I see him in the reflection of the glass window in front of me.

My fingers squeeze the edge of the counter until my knuckles turn white when I see his hand reaching towards me.

My body tenses, ready and waiting for his harsh touch.

I try to stop the shaking of my shoulders before he notices, but I know it's no use. . . he sees everything.

I tried to leave once, I packed up mine and Lizzie's things and waited for him to return home from work to let him know of my decision.

That was mistake number one.

I should of just left without a word.

Mistake number two, ended with a split lip and a black eye.

It was the first time he'd ever put his hands on me in a violent way. . . .

But it certainly wasn't the last.

 _ **A couple things. . .Thank you all for your reviews, I adore each and every one of them. They brighten my days so much. :) And this story is and always will be a**_ _ **HEA**_ _ **. Jada x**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Alone.**

Making myself as small as I can doesn't work anymore, his fists find their target each and every time.

Over and over again.

Sometimes, it's just a swift kick and then he's satisfied.

But not today.

I don't know what I've done this time. . .

Then again, most of the time, there is no reason.

"Please," I beg.

A dark laugh is my only reply.

"I'm sorry! Please s-stop!" My tongue slips out to lick across my bleeding lips.

"Why are you so ungrateful, Isabella. Hmm?" He grabs my chin forcing me to look into his icy blue eyes.

"I-I don't know what-" My words are cut off abruptly by his hands wrapping around my throat.

"You do know, Isabella! Don't play stupid! I have done everything for you and you treat me like this?" His hands tighten and I start to panic.

My fingers claw at his and I'm sure my face is turning blue.

I can't speak, my vision is blurry and no matter how much my legs kick and my fists hit, it's no use, he's just too strong.

When my body starts to go limp I feel his hands finally release me.

I drop onto the hard floor and immediatly reach for my neck as I gasp for breath.

My stomach heaves and tears stream down my face.

Too far, he's gone _**too**_ far this time.

"Do you love me, Isabella?" His voice is calm, nothing like it was, just seconds before.

I knew that question was coming, he asks it everytime he loses _control_.

I lift my head to look at him and I flinch when my eyes meet his.

They're almost black, just like his soul.

I steady my voice and say the same thing I have said for the past six years, But not _once_ , have I ever truly meant it.

"Of course. . . I love you, Carlisle."

 _ **A/N. . . I am sorry for thr delay, it is the summer holidays here in the uk and I have a very demanding child lol. . .anyway, as always I love all of your reviews etc. . and when I have a spare minute I will reply to you all. Thank you :) Jada x**_


	9. Chapter 9

Alone.

My heart wasn't meant for him.

My love belonged to another.

I was so confused, I was long broken before Carlisle came along.

My love, left me. Abandoned me.

Carlisle was my rock, the person who had answers.

So I followed like a sheep.

Like a lamb to slaughter.

Years ago, I was the best of me.

Now. . . .I'm not even _me_.

I gave my whole heart once, to someone who I thought would love me back.

He did. But only for a short while.

All I got was a letter, telling me what I already knew.

He wasn't mean, just truthful.

It broke my heart.

But Carlisle was their to pick up the pieces.

And ever since then, he's _always_ been there.

 **A/N Sending so much love to you all. The reviews make me so freaking happy. And the favs/ follows! You guys are so bloody great! Typical British there lol :) Jada x**


	10. Chapter 10

**Alone.**

When I was seventeen, I met the love of my life.

He was everything I could've wanted.

He was everything I _needed_.

He was the opposite of me.

We were chalk and cheese, but it worked.

For a while, at least.

He would make me laugh, just to see my smile.

He would hold me tight, just to feel me close.

And he would bring me my favourite flowers, just because. . . .

He was my everything, until . . . he wasn't.

It was Carlisle who broke the news to me, he gave me the letter that ended it all.

I was broken beyond repair.

And just a few months later, my heart would shatter even further.

 **A/n. . .sending a million hugs your way, sweeties :) Jada x**


	11. Chapter 11

**Alone.**

My notebook used to be filled with different variations of my name.

 _Isabella Swan._

 _Isabella Masen._

 _Bella Masen-Swan_

 _Bella Marie Masen. . . ._

Never did I _ever_ imagine, that I would be Mrs Isabella Marie _Cullen_.

But life, always has a funny way of turning out.

Or not so funny in my case.

Even just _thinking_ his name still has my stomach doing somersaults.

And late at night, when I know the monster is soundly sleeping, I bask in the memories of him.

Of us.

Every touch, every kiss, is burned into my brain and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 _Edward_ Masen has haunted my dreams for far too long . . .

 **A/n I Hope everyone is enjoying their weeeknd? :) Jada x**


	12. Chapter 12

**Alone.**

 _Edward Masen._

That was his name.

My one and _only_ true love.

The first time I saw him, I swear I had died and to gone heaven.

He was everything I wasn't .

Funny, brave and so freaking smart.

I thought our love would last a life time. . . .

He had dreams of joining the army, and I couldn't have been more proud of him.

Our plan was for me to wait.

And I was so willing to wait. . . . For him.

 _Just him._

Until I recieved his letter.

The night before he was due to leave, Is when Carlisle brought me the news that would change my whole life.

Edward would send me letters, love letters. . . .Daily.

And when Carlisle handed me that letter, I smiled, I was happy, giddy with excitement.

But what I read, was nothing more than a dear john letter. . . or in _my_ case a dear _**Jane**_ letter.

My love had left me broken hearted, lost and so utterly confused. . . .

 **A/N** : Work has been spanking my butt this week! (Literally) Ha! But I am terribly sorry for the slow updates. . . I am hoping things will pick up more asap! :) Jada x


	13. Chapter 13

**Alone.**

Standing in front of the mirror staring back at myself I feel ashamed.

Weak.

Pathetic.

The black and blue covering my body confirm it.

Looking away in disgust, I drop the tissue I used to wipe away the evidence of Carlisles rage from my lips into the sink.

Scars, bruises and blood.

That's what my existence has become.

 _ **"Why is your eye all dark, Mummy?"**_

 **"I slipped, Honey."**

 _ **"Why is your lip all big and red like that?"**_

 **"A bee stung me, Sweetheart."**

 _ **"Daddy says you are the most clumsiest person he knows...is that true, Mummy?"**_

 **"Why are you limping, Mummy? Did you fall over again?"**

 **"Yes, Angel."**

 **"Well don't worry, Daddy will carry you everywhere because he's so big and strong! Right, Daddy?"**

 **"Did you burn yourself again, Mummy?"**

 **"I did, Darling."**

 **"Daddy's right, you are are so silly sometimes, Mummy!"**

I shake my head and sigh before hearing my Darling girls laugh echo through the house, letting me know they're back from the park and my time of being _alone_ is over.

My eyes flicker to the corner of the room and I stare at the camera there.

I can almost hear Carlisles laugh.

Mocking me, taunting me.

And reminding me. . . that I'll never truly be alone.

 _ **First I need to apologise for leaving this story but I am back and have a couple chaps written already and I**_ **will** _ **be finishing this. I had to step away for a while. There's only so many times one person can keep a smile on their face before they break. And I broke. But I'm getting myself back. . .I'm fighting. Thank you all for reading my little story it means the world. Jada x**_


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